Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Not Myself

Well, I know it's been 6 months since I last posted...but I really haven't been myself lately. I've been trying to do a lot of soul searching to figure out who I am, what I want out of my life, and where my life has been heading. I know that there are things in my life that aren't making me happy, and the problem is sticking up for myself and following through with the decisions I need to make. I don't do well with change but I won't allow myself to continue to be unhappy either. I need to find out who I am, what makes me smile, and start enjoy the simple things in life again.

Everyone can tell me what I need to do, but ultimately it is up to me to decide what path is best for me to go down. Yes, I know that sometimes the path I choose is going to be rocky. Yes, I know that there may be detours along the way. Yes, I realize that there will be others on this path to help me find my way. The path I have been on has come to a fork in the road...and now I must make a decision on which way to go. I am confused and scared and excited all at once.

I have always looked out for and cared about others' feels because, to me, that was more important than what I wanted. Well, I have decided that it's time for me to look out for me. That doesn't mean that I don't care about other peoples' feelings, but if I can't make myself happy and love myself...I can not make other people happy and show them love and caring and compassion the way they deserve.

I'm sorry if this post is a little sad or upsetting. I think I just needed to have some of my thoughts typed up to help motivate me. I know I can do this! I am stronger than I give myself credit for! And, God wouldn't be having me make these decisions if it wasn't that I needed a change!